look Ma’, no hands!

There was a time, back when I still drove Edmund the Rat Trap (may he rest in peace), that multitasking at the wheel was a bit of a game. The one moment I am still most proud of was turning out of a drive way, up a hill, while rolling up my window, shifting gears, and answering my telephone. Left hand on the window crank shaft, right hand on the gear shift, phone pinched against my shoulder, knees steering, and feet operating the clutch and gas.

But Edmund died, his bowels fell from beneath him.

Now, I drive Norbert the Flying Tortoise. He is a semi-automatic transmission. This, however, is not the point of this post. No, this post is the third in a series on the mentally ill and those who seem to be. (n.b. With thanks to Caedmonstia for pointing out that ‘insane’ is a legal term, and ‘mentally ill’ is a clinical term.)

For my birthday (which is still months off) my loving parents, in an effort to keep me in line with the driving laws of California, purchaised for me one of those little doodads that fit on one’s ear and blinks blue. I sinked it with my phone, tested it out with a friend who sat across the room, and then left to run errands.

This is when I discovered a wonderful thing about this new technology. While on the phone with a friend I realized that, If I drove with my knees, I could use BOTH HANDS to talk with, instead of just one.

This is a glorious thing! How many times have you had conversations–whether on the street or in the car–wherein you felt hindered in your expression by the fact that one hand had to be firmly planted against the ear? Now, with this blue dental technology we who talk with our hands can once again express ourselves fully–even at top speeds on the California freeways.


~ by jeorgesmith on 24 March 2008.

One Response to “look Ma’, no hands!”

  1. […] protest and followup: Some might remember my joy over the acquisition of a cyborg ear monkey. It was liberating: it let me talk, with both […]

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